Entrepreneurs are passionate people. Not only are we not afraid to be heard — we want to be heard! But there are many, many instances when knowing when to shut up will benefit you immensely. Cultivating your ability to hold your tongue is important. It’s something I still struggle with every day. But after twenty years of wishing I’d just kept quiet that one time… this is my advice.
1. Remember, it’s not personal: It’s business. A few years ago, I sued a major toy company who I thought had infringed on one of my patented technologies. Looking back, I think we could have settled the dispute quickly if cooler heads had prevailed. But I became emotional, and so did they, and the conflict ended up in federal court after dragging on for three years, which took an enormous toll on me.
2. Pick up the phone. It’s easier to miscommunicate over email. You’ll strengthen your relationships by clarifying what the person really meant over the phone; I have misinterpreted what someone has written many times. Particularly when it comes to sensitive issues, talk, not write.
3. Hit “delete.” The idea that anyone can win an argument over the Internet is laughable. For whatever reason, some people enjoy using their anonymity to be rude and insulting. It’s taken me many years, but I think the best way to respond to my haters is… by not saying anything at all. Even if you’re calm, collected, and reasonable, whatever you write will only fuel the fire. There are just too many people who get a kick out of riling up others. If you chose not to engage, you’ll be surprised at how quickly the conversation dies. And, try to have a sense of humor! Usually I’m enraged when I read a hateful comment, but later I find them kind of funny.
4. Let go of the need to have the last word. It’s better to fly under the radar. You may feel great about getting in one last jab, but more likely than not, someone else is going to remember your flippant comment long after you do, and it will come back to haunt you. It’s just not worth it. I was surprised to hear Mark Cuban, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks and an investor on Shark Tank, laugh at the SEC on TV and in the media after he was accused of insider trading and found not guilty. That didn’t seem wise. If they had an eye on him before…. Well, they probably still do now. Gloating is unattractive.
5. Embrace the idea that sometimes, less is more. We’ve all been in meetings where someone is asked a simple question and goes on and on in response, totally unnecessarily. Most questions can be answered simply; try to. Everyone you work with will appreciate your ability to be concise. And frankly, it’s also polite. We like the sound of our own voices more than other people do.
6. Realize that certain opinions are best left unspoken. Yes, everyone is entitled to an opinion. But that doesn’t mean we need to offer all of ours up. The other day, Martha Stewart declared that she doesn’t think bloggers are experts. Okay, Martha. Sure, that’s your opinion. But I think that was foolish of her, because I’m guessing there are many, many bloggers who help promote her lifestyle brand. What purpose did undermining them serve her? I’m not sure. But it may end up hurting her business. She needs bloggers and influencers as much as everyone else does to push her brand.
7. Get comfortable with awkward silences. When it comes to the art of negotiation, I’ve learned a simple truth: Never speak first. After I explicitly state what it is I want, I clam up. When we’re uncomfortable with an awkward silence, it’s tempting to fill it quickly – but if you do, you might end up saying something without thinking it through. I’ve discovered that the first person to speak usually loses the argument. So make your point, be confident, and force yourself to wait for a response.
I hope these tips help you as much as they’ve helped me.
Originally published on Entrepreneur.com November 1st 2013.
